She's my best friend's girl

How do you hold your image?

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 05:41:07 GMT

images are developed from insecurites. as such, a person has to put so much energy into a certain "look" or "trend" just so they can feel a sense of security or feel confident to be themselves. but why does looking a certain way make you feel better if that's not who you truely are? I ask you that and i challenge you this: find yourself and build character (not image)on who you found inside.

it hurts me to see so many people around me a slave to the image they have created for themselves. They are so absorbed into being a "punk" (and how many of you actually know what that really is?) or a "prep" or whatever that that person begins to deny their simple likes and dislikes and then when that person begins to find themselves they can't grow into the person they really are. they become a slave to their insecurities, the insecurities that we as flawed humans should be striving to overcome especially during these teen years. now why should we deny ourselves of who we are inside for an image that means nothing. true identity is everything. and if you fear rejection for who you really are is it really worth the acceptance. no matter who you are there will be someone out there to appreciate you. that i can promise you. so don't you think it would be better to be appreciated for someone you are rather than someone you are not? i choose to be who i really am inside. and you know what? it's a better way to live.

a strange feeling...

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 20:16:02 GMT

as i view relationships i always find there is always an eventual end. it always comes, unless you are absolutely meant for each other, and even then...

i find myself entering a relationship i knew would always come no matter how much i denied it to myself. others saw it coming without my having to explain how it all came about... how it built up because i decided to open up and he decided to listen. because i needed someone to tell everything to and he agreed to be that person. because i found myself knowing that he would be the first person i turned to if anything were to happen and he said that was okay and that i would be that person too. because he actually cared.

i know that i am not just beginning this relationship but another level i'm not scared of what is to come. but aren't relationships scary. the only thing i'm scared of if it goes too fast that end will come. i'm scared that if that end does come i will hurt him. i'd rather he hurt me then i hurt him. he means too much to me. i can't hurt him. i knew with that kiss would come all this. with that kiss came both excitement and anxiety.

i'm here. in this relationship. in this moment. with relationships come love. i already know i love him. but i'm waiting to know that i'm in love with him. i can say i love him without any doubt. if this were another person i wouldn't say i love you, but i know that its true. i'm waiting for the time in which i can say, "i'm in love with you." when i say those words i will know for sure. those words will not come out of my mouth until i am certain.

Your Own Responsiblity

Tue, 04 May 2004 03:22:26 GMT

Sometimes i feel guilty for not feeling sympathy or pity for those who are going through difficult situations in their lives... oh wait... i do feel sympathy towards those who actually do go through difficult things but i don't feel sorry for those who remain depressed for no reason doing nothing about it and remain in this state of depression with the pity and attempts of help from their familiy and friends. i am not an ass, i'm just saying that we all have a responisbility to ourselves to ensure our own happiness. if you are in a situation in which you are uncomfortably or unhappy you get out. for example: if you are in a relationship that is tying you down and you hate your "partner" it is up to you to end the relationship and get yourself our of it. so what happens if you are the one who gets hurt in a relationship? well go ahead and cry, grieve. but you can't stay like that forever. move on. yes that's right, move on. if a person hurts you then they obviously aren't worth your time because they didn't take your feelings into account. find some other way to be happy. it is up to you to be happy. it is not up to other people to help you, it's up to you. hopefully you do have people in your life who will try to help you but it always starts with yourself. they can't begin to help you until you decide that you need help. sounds like a drug talk. whatever. but it's true. everyone in some part in their life goes through a period of depression. fine. but don't stay there forever. it's unhealthy. don't think suicide. consider it, fine. who doesn't. but actually truly considering it as an escape is stupid. that proves that you are weak. it starts with yourself. you have a problem. seek help. but depression is an issue i guess now a days because stupid teenagers do not know how to deal with their emotions and the shit that almost every teenager goes through. there will always be someone out there that has gone through the same thing. you're never alone. you're not truly unique in this sense. and you know what, people get through it. i'm not putting down the depressed, i'm just saying that those who feel they are need to get out of it. some people are at a point in which they need medicine. fine by me. my mom takes them. it helps. that means you admit it. so admit it. take a step. find a way to be happy. get a picture of your exboyfriend and through darts at it. get over your exboyfriend and get a new one. go to a party and hook-up with someone. or just hang out with your friends. i don't care. just don't come to me unless you're going to admit you need help and you want to get out of it. oh, and make sure that i'm someone you should be talking to. for example: i'm your friend, i talk to you often. not if i'm someone that obviously tries to avoid you and what not. thank you very much.

bad things to good people?

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 05:02:47 GMT

i'm tired of hearing from the people ask, "why do bad things happen to good people?" someone told me of some guy, wish i could tell you who, who said that bad things don't happen to good people. we find that everyone is a "good" person. instead, shit just happens. you cannot be here and ask me all this, asking me why God allows these things to happen, questioning the fact that he has some sort of plan for us. i'm sorry, but you have to get your fucking faith straight.

God doesn't "let" these things happen, they have to happen. shit happens all the time. so when one of parents or close friends die we ask, "why did this happen to such a good person?" well time was up. everyone has to die eventually. sickness happens. accidents, and what not. it's a part of life. get used to it.

do you know why God is here? when you pray to him you can ask him to heal a person who is sick from cancer, but you cannot expect God to always provide in ways like that. so what is God's roll? he is here to help you get through the shit that happens in life. to help you move on, to help you see how it has a positive contribution to your life. as you must learn from your mistakes, you must learn from the tragedies in your life. don't tell me i'm a hypocrite, or that it's easy for me to say because it isn't. i've gone through shit in my life. guess what, life can always be worse. you can get mad at God when your parents won't let you go out, when you lose someone you love, or when your girl friend breaks up with you or whatever. but in the end you have to realize that God did not do this. it's a part of life. you can't be mad, angry, or sad for your entire life. you bring yourself down. God is there to help you get back up, and begin to allow small things to make you happy so that in the end you can see that life is still worth living, that at least you got those few moments with the person that you loss, that they were a roll model, that at least you have happy memories with your ex, that you can learn from your friend's drug addiction or whatever.

there is always something to learn, the difficult part is accepting the crap that life throws at you and seeing that it's no one's fault, no one's responsibility. try not to be so pessimistic, because i know i am... but in the end i can find the up side to things, and if i can do that then anyone can.

love some more...

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 05:31:09 GMT

i look around campus once again and see the magnet pull between "partners". they can't be apart from eachother for over 90 minutes... for 90 minutes is an eternity... night is horrible... not being able to hold eachother.. whatever
then i get a hint of tension between them... frustration... but it can't be voiced.. they don't want to hurt each other.. for once again... they "love" each other
how can this be love with such frustration? and onto the point: if you love someone you do not try to change them. i heard somewhere.. i'm not sure if it was english class or television but it was a man who said that women are trained to change men. men don't realize this though. women train men... ah it was a comedian... yes.. blue collar comedy tour... his wife said to him, "honey, i'm hot." and he automatically put down the book he was reading to turn on the fan and was midway back to the bed when he realized what had just happened.
funny, but in a relationship i don't think we should try to change our, uh.. significant other. change.. why should we change. we listen to love songs on the radio... "love songs on the coast..." and oh how that special someone has just made us realize what all these love songs mean... oh how we can relate now... how beautiful it all is...
but then again... how can that person say he/she loves you? she turns to you and says, "why don't you ever buy me nice things? so and so's boy friend does." "why don't we ever go out?" "why don't you ever do nice things for me?" wait! i thought you loved me! ouch... what a slap in the face. i'm sorry, but if you "love" someone you do not try to change that person...
so i'm in lit... reading a poem.. great.. poems.. about, oh yeah! love.. my favorite subject (note the sarcasm) but auden's got something: "Mortal, guilty, but to me/ The entirely beautiful"
what does that mean? sorry i didn't want to type out the entire poem, but auden, great man, was trying to say that in when we are in love we love our uh.. lover's... imperfections.. every little thing about them... even the things that may annoy us... so if you're "in love" with this person why do you want them to change? love them for who they are, including all those little things that are annoying. i don't care if you may vent out about them but don't try to change those things... then you're not in love... then i don't want to hear you telling them "baby! i love you!" because i know it isn't true.. lust, infatuation, psuedo love.. i don't care.. it isn't.. uh.. "real" love. maybe it's that love you have for your friends...but you sure aren't "in love"

boy friends

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 19:04:49 GMT

i look around campus and laugh when i see how people are instantly pulled towards their boy friend or girl friend once they get out of class and how they think the world is going to end when the bell rings once again and they have to be apart for a mere 90 minutes. let's get a reality check. once you're out of high school you're probably going to break up with your significant other so that you can get laid numerous times in college without having to think about that other person on some other campus, or unfortunately still in high school. even if you don't break up with that significant other you won't give them a second thought when you're hooking up with someone at some fraternity party.
i look around again and laugh, seeing how all these couples say I LOVE YOU without a second thought. it's hard for me to believe that you can love someone in high school. you are too naive, young, and quite frankly stupid to utter these words to this guy or chick you've been seeing for a little over a month. i'm sure a few of those who say i love you to their boy friend or girl friend actually mean it, BUT 99% have no idea what it means to be in love. here's a reality check, you're not in love. you're in lust, caught up in the moment. face it. you know why you say i love you? so that when you look back at everything in high school, and how u had sex when you were 14 after knowing some guy after 2 weeks you won't feel guilty because you were, dare i say it, "in love." then all you people go write in your live journals, "Just thinking about how far one month has taken us, i can't imagine how i could of lived my life before without u in it. i'm seriously the luckiest girl in the world to have you,and hope u know how unbelievably much u mean to me" with responses like, "i dont think there is anything about u that i dont like, u are everything that i look for in a girl and more. u're different from the rest, and it just makes me love u more. u give me something that ive never felt before, u make me feel like no matter what, everything is gonna be ok, b/c at the end of the day i know i still have u, and lately thats all that matters. uve become so much more to me that i ever thought possible, after a day with u, im speechless, no words describe what u mean to me" i read this and i laugh, i'm laughing so hard my abs begin to hurt and i can't get off the floor. i show this to my friends and their reactions are quite similar...
hey, is that feeling you get when you're with this chick DOWN IN YOUR CROTCH? oh yeah, you're so different from other girls, you know how? you gave me head after 2 days, and u let me F*** you after 2 weeks. that's what i call a special relationship. okay, perhaps it wasn't 2 weeks... it was a month, or maybe 2. can we say easy? oh yes.what you mean to me is someone i can go to when i'm horny and know for sure i'm getting laid, as long as i say that i love you. romantic isn't it?
so what am i trying to say? you're not in love, you're just in it to get some ass, and you're a bit too easy. i love you my ass.

freaks

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 03:56:24 GMT

my first entry, aye? well i'd like to begin to say that you are probably reading this because of what i think of you. i think you're not a freak, you're not special enough to be a freak. i'm a freak. you are just stupid, idiotic, and shallow. why? because you're reading this. now don't you feel special?